Off on a New Adventure!
It has been forever since I last posted anything. Before I dive into this brief post, I just wanted to give all y’all an update on what has happened in the two and one-half years (I know, shame on me) since I last posted. Well, between then and now, I finished nursing school and I took my first job as a nurse in Cardiac/Cardiac Surgery ICU, of all places. I continued to working there for about eight months until my new adventure needed to began.
I moved back to Oregon from Florida to be with my parents and help take care of my dad who has been dealing with a terminal diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.
In early February, after a conversation with my parents, I knew that I needed to be back with them. So, I turned in my two-week notice at work, packed up my car, and drove 3,600 miles across the country to arrive back in the Eugene area.
Life in the Wilderness
It has been over six months now since I’ve been back helping them out and it has been one of the most difficult times of my life. Having to move away from the community of people that love Jesus more than I had experienced before, whom I had lived with for the last five years, and moving willingly to be with a terminally ill family member, I have been led into a time in the wilderness. Like the people of Israel, the realities of everything that I have seen of the Lord are been put to the test and the rubber is meeting the road, spiritually speaking.
Basically, I have been forced to ask the questions:
Is Jesus really everything to me? Is He really my all in all? Is He enough?
As painful as it is for me to admit it, for all my words and my actions, this time of being in Oregon has shown me that Jesus hasn’t been everything to me. While that may be the case, by the Lord’s grace, I have been caused to press into Him and to rely on His Life, learning to abide and trust in my Lord, as I have never done before.
An entry from Bill Freedman’s The Supplied Life sums up my time here so far pretty well:
“And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord.” Deuteronomy 8:2-3
When the Lord said, “to humble you and test you,” He meant “to measure you.” When He said, “to know what was in your heart,” He meant that in their hearts, the children of Israel would discover murmuring and rebellion manifesting itself. They would find themselves coming short of God’s standard. In other words, all their negative reactions to their environment were allowed by God to escort them to live by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.
The fact that the Lord allowed them to hunger and then fed them with manna signifies that they were pushed beyond their capacity in order that they would be escorted to eat divine food. Not to “live by bread alone” meant not to live by the natural life, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord. In the wilderness, God was seeking to escort them to Himself, to learn to live by Him as their source and supply. In the same way, God humbles us through environments that we cannot cope with. It is at those junctures that we need to quickly recognize our escort! The feelings of not being able to cope are the escort. Our escorts leading us to Christ come in the form of frustration, desperate feelings, and failure. We need to recognize these escorts and allow them to guide us to live by manna, by Christ as our bread!
This is what the content of my blog will be for the foreseeable future: learning to eat and drink of Jesus Christ continually; learning to depend on Him and trust His Life within me; and relying on Him to be everything for me in the midst of a situation that is completely out of my control.
This is the new adventure I’m on. I’m hoping you’ll join me and find the Lord in it with me!